The not so subtle art of discipline

I started the month of August with the conviction that I was going to master the art of discipline. Admittedly, growing up, I often thrived on talent, a natural intuition and wittiness. For the longest time it worked, until it didn’t.

I was one of those people who found no need for to-do lists. Purchasing planners was often a waste of money (but that didn’t stop me from buying them lol). I depended on my wittiness to remember every single task, structure routines, pass exams and more.

But what I didn’t realize was that I was exerting myself unnecessarily. Exhausting my energy and creating endless anxiety because I felt pressured to remember everything, to be inherently good at everything (even on my first try).

Couple this with being an independent woman in her mid-20s. Managing every aspect of my life seems like a grand project — from trying to build wealth, thrive in my corporate career, maintain relationships, build a legacy and business and stay sexy while doing it.

I’m sure you see the pattern now — I have big ambitions, very big ambitions but ambition without structure, consistency and perhaps a heightened degree of obsession is nothing but a wish.

So in August, I set off for a new country with a determination that I was going to master discipline and show up in nearly every aspect of my life even when I didn’t feel like it.

Here are a few things I’ve learnt along the way:

It’s okay to feel deep emotions but what’s more important is regulating these deep emotions

As humans, we are driven by our emotions. Our decisions to do things and commit to tasks are often governed by how we feel on that particular day or at that specific time.

If you’re an empath like me, I’m sure it’s even tougher for you, but no one is immune to this — we’ve all skipped exercising because we just didn’t feel like doing it, we’ve overindulged in not-so healthy foods because we had a crappy day, or went on a shopping spree which hurt our finances because we needed a mood boost.

I’ve met people who are on the extreme sides of this spectrum — some people stop themselves from feeling deeply so they can get on with their lives, while others feel so deeply that it cripples them from doing anything.

I believe the beauty lies in balance — acknowledging and letting yourself process your emotions but also accepting that you made commitments to yourself or even to others that are worth keeping.

The issue with not letting yourself feel at all, is that you become somewhat robotic. Unable to connect with others and express empathy — I personally don’t think life’s worth living this way — there’s so much beauty in having genuine human connections.

On the other hand, feeling everything all at once can be dilapidating. I’ve been here before, there have been days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, talkless of doing anything remotely productive. Now when these days come, because they surely do, I speak kind words to myself, I remind myself of why I need to show up (for me and not anyone else) and I focus on the good that lies ahead.

When next you find yourself in a crappy situation or mood — accept that it has happened but muster the slightest bit of strength to take the next step forward. Remember, one step after the other, and life would seem less daunting.

Achieving a goal takes more than writing it down

I believe the first step to getting something done is to make a mental or physical note of it. These days I lean more towards physical notes — it reduces my anxiety, gives me a full view of all that needs to be done.

But writing down a to-do list is just the start. Time-boxing each task is critical to getting it done. My mornings now begin with me filling in all my tasks in my calendar and I mean all my tasks — from taking a shower, commuting and even going to the gym.

Time-boxing helps you commit to doing things at a given time, and also stops you from setting unrealistic expectations for yourself. I was guilty of this, I’d create a to do list with 1001 tasks to be completed in 24 hours — which was absolutely ridiculous and unfair to myself.

Now that you have an agenda and a time for when things should get done, here’s the tough part — actually getting the thing done lol. I could spend minutes if not even hours anxious about how to get some things done. Just the sheer thought of how stressful it would be would discourage me, but this is where discipline comes in. I started applying the mindset of “just start”. Once you start you’d be surprised as to how you’d barrel through all your tasks.

The moment you feel like stopping is the moment you absolutely must not quit

I learnt this particular lesson from going to the gym. I’ve always been an athletic person, I played a ton of sports in high school and now I find a similar sense of expression through strength training and boxing.

Despite being active for most of my life, there have been moments when I wanted to stop because I felt like I wasn’t seeing progress. I struggle with body dysmorphia and on some days it is the bane of my existence.

But on the days when I feel like throwing in the towel. I recalibrate and nudge myself to keep going. I remember why I started the journey and how much it has helped me mentally and physically.

This mindset has also helped me survive and thrive in a very demanding corporate environment. Sometimes reflecting on where and why you started and the ambitions you have will help you carry on.

So if you’re also on a quest to master discipline, remember, nothing good comes easy. It’s going to require a lot from you. There will be days when you don’t live up to the expectations you have set for yourself — on those days, remember to be kind to yourself. You are human after all, meaning you are fallible.

I may not be a master of discipline as I write this but I’m a much better person than I was before I began this journey.